day 8 – change

I know, I know, my blog title might seem deceiving, but it technically is only the 8th day I have written a blog.

So, I have been on summer break for about a month and a half now, and so much has happened in such a short amount of time. While my days feel the same (I am never not babysitting) and weeks go by before my eyes, I am still amazed at the changes overtime.

Rewind a couple months to April, when I finally got to go home for Easter, which was a much needed break. The past two semesters, like I have mentioned many times before in my blogs, were a rollercoaster of emotions and events. That being said, going home felt like everything in life was right again, even if it was only for a few days. And that’s when I began to realize home is where I liked life the most, where I liked myself the most. Don’t get me wrong, Samford University is an amazing school in an amazing city with amazing people, I was just beginning to think that it wasn’t the place for me. When I got back to school after Easter, I knew something wasn’t right. Now, I know what most people are probably thinking. Why did I not have these feelings at the beginning of the semester after being home for 6 weeks during Christmas? Trust me, it crossed my mind too. But I just knew I didn’t like the way I was feeling, and I wanted to go back home right away. The semester in itself was rough, apart from all of the memories I made and fun nights I had. (I know I make it sound like my time here was terrible, but trust me I wouldn’t trade this past year for anything). Going home for only the 3rd time the entire school year – just 2 short days to be with my family on Easter – made me think. Not only was it so good to be home, but I had forgotten how much I had missed it and I had forgotten what “home” actually meant to me. I was sad at the thought but I also knew that it felt right to picture myself back at home in Dublin Ohio for my sophomore year in college. As I imagined the possibility, my friends from school immediately popped into my head…Anna, Mccall, Mattie, Lucy, Marra and so many more, like all the girls in Zeta. What about them? How would they feel? How hard would it be to leave them? To say goodbye?  As quickly as I got excited at the thought of being home for good, I got sad about leaving Samford just as fast.  Although I did not have the best freshman year, I wouldn’t change anything that happened because I wouldn’t have met the people that I did and I wouldn’t have been this torn about my decision. I learned more about myself in the past year than I thought possible. Going home became the only thing that I thought about, making it hard to focus during that last month or so of school. The worst part was, I kept my thoughts from the people closest to me, even my roommate (who also happens to be one of my best friends), simply because I was afraid of how they would react. Finally, I broke down and opened up to Lucy, scared to tell the person I had grown closest to. Being the amazing and kind hearted person that she is, she took it extremely well. A lot of tears were shared that night at the thought of not seeing each other everyday, but even more laughs as we promised not to forget all of the memories we had made together in Vail 374. Telling Lucy made me feel 100x better and it made it a lot easier to tell other people as well. The hard part was being confident in my decision, because to be honest, at that point I had no clue where I was going go to school next year, all I knew was that I belonged back in Ohio. Well, my fears went away when a month or so later, I got into Ohio State. My acceptance ultimately sealed the deal and I knew it was time to officially say goodbye. Again, by no means do I think that my freshman year at Samford University was a year wasted, but rather a year full of lessons, memories, friendships, and experiences – all of which I will never forget and will carry with me wherever I go.  I am confident that everything happens for a reason, and I am excited to see where that philosophy takes me as I enter my sophomore year at Ohio State University this fall.