day 5 – 86,400

It’s crazy to think that I’ve been here for 19 years, and even crazier that life isn’t slowing down for anyone. If these past 19 years have gone by as fast as they have, I can’t imagine how fast the next 19 years will go by. My life is flying by, and I don’t want to just sit around and watch it glide through time.  I want to experience everything, feel feelings I’ve never felt, meet people I’ve never met, and I don’t want to take a single second for granted.  I don’t want to live another moment just settling, I want to live my life and I want to live it best. So what’s stopping me? What’s stopping everyone, for that matter?

There are 86,400 seconds in a day. 86,400 seconds to see the world, to live your life more than you ever have before. 86,400 chances to make your life seem so much more significant than the time it takes for those 19 years to fly by.  Everyday, you’re given 86,400 chances, and you can take those chances or you can sit back and watch, the choice is yours.  But everyday, your chance starts over, your 86,400 seconds are renewed, and another day makes itself known, another day to make the most of this life we’ve been given. That’s what I’m thinking about as I sit here wondering how 19 years could just go by within a blink of an eye. That’s what I’m thinking, that no matter how fast these 19 years have gone by nor how fast the next 19 years will go by, all I can do is make the most of the seconds in front of me.  The 86,400 seconds I’m given today and everyday, that’s all I can do.  Make the most of your 86,400.

-r

day 4 – supposedly

d526abd177df3ae66b21e5b4b2a11f1b

This is one of my favorite quotes, because it relates to me on so many levels, and I think it says a lot about all of us.

I think we so often define our time here by what messed up things we think in our minds.

We’re wrong, so wrong about what we long for, what we imagine to happen in our everyday and we say “how is it supposed to be?” well don’t ask me, being that I’m one to ask the exact same question.

However, i do know this.  I know that this is what screws us up most in life, this.  The little voice in our head saying what we expect and accept it all as “this is how it’s supposed to be” no, it’s not.  In fact, it’s never how we imagine it to be.  See, it’s always different, always unexpected, never how it’s supposed to be.  Life is funny like that.  Why our minds do this is beyond me, but be what it will, this is what messes with us, trust me. This is the thing that misses our inhibitions and messes with our expectations, until we can no longer rely on the voice in our head.  The void that has the voice and relentlessly repeats “this is how it’s supposed to be”.  For me, leaving life up to fate, putting faith in the unknown, that, that is how it’s supposed to be.  Beautifully confusing, wonderfully amusing, something that continues to surprise and arise our eyes to the unknown, showing our minds a whole new world, that’s how it’s supposed to be.

-r

day 3 – routine

I’ve been gone for 2 weeks now, and it feels like 2 months. I never realized how you can get so used to a routine in such a short amount of time. After some time, coming to school has forced me to recreate a routine and get settled into the rollercoaster of strife versus nice in my everyday life.  As I lie here in my bed, I try to sum up some of my so far days at Samford.

My roommate, looming with the strength of a loved one, loving the life of a lost one, seems even more beautiful than before.  Heart, heart is what she has and what most hurts during this time of mourn, and heart is her only hope, a hope which my heart yearns can help her see again, feel again. I have so much love for my roommate, so much pride and admiration for her sweet spirit. Everyday is a day that she is forced to face without her, and everyday is a day that she is looking lovingly down on her beautiful daughter.  Lucy, my beautifully broken and sweetly strong roommate, I have so much love for you, so many laughs to share with you, so many tears to bear with you. But losing hope isn’t in the cards. So my hardest I’ll try to keep your wings flying high, flying forever in honor of your mom.

Routine. A word that means to keep up with a consistent schedule, consistent goals in mind and high in your life.  A word that I rely so much on just to keep my days long.  A word that in essence defines success, defines the ability to follow a plan, and shapes the faith that keeps us sane, the faith that reminds us of God’s greater plan.  At the end of the day, that’s all that matters.  Whether my day went exactly how I imagined or it went the exact opposite of all my expectations, faith makes me rest in the fact that no matter what – no matter what happened during my so called luminous routine – God will always prevail. When we think we’ve got it all together and we think we can handle our routines, that’s exactly when we are wrong. That’s exactly when God shows up. Blunt and blessed, He shows up. Purposeful and plentiful, that’s when He shows up.  God shows up in places when we least expect it, that is what I have turned to learn today and everyday.  Today, and everyday, I will keep my eyes open, my heart broken, ready for God to show up, even when I think I have plans of my own.  That’s when God shows up.  Routine.  A word only God can consciously control and mold in our lives.

-r